SZAYEL: The Owner's Guide and Manual
by Doggy L.O.A.C.W.D.M
Summary: I do not own Szayel, I do not own the manual idea omg, i've been spelling it wrong all along, dammit! well, anyways, the only thing I own is the kick ass comedy.


Done from the request of "I love Szayel Aporro Granz"

_Disclaimer: I do not own Szayel Aporro nor do I own that pink hair dye he hides. Tite Kubo owns all of it. I do not own the Owner's Guide and Manuel either. O_O I'm sorry this one was late! School almost had me in a mental break down_

**SZAYEL: The Owner's Guide and Manual**

Congratulations valued customer (insert name here). You have just purchased model number 74625482947 of the SZAYEL unit in our Espada Catalog in section L. This is your Owner's Guide and Manuel that should address all basic information, needs, warnings, and modes about SZAYEL unit number 74625482947.

**Basic Information: The SZAYEL unit standard data**

Name: SZAYEL unit of our Espada catalog in section P.

The Type (what to expect): Know-it-all, Work Obsessed, Likes to conduct scientific "research".

Manufacturing Date (year/month,/day: hour/minute/second/milliseconds):

2009/9/3: 5/57/34/12

Manufacturing Company: Scattered Scream © co. Commercials and catalog provided by Just A Marionette© productions.

Weight (customized by customer for customer convenience): Anorexic Skinny **Average** Mildly Obese Obese Morbidly Obese

Height (customized by customer for customer convenience): Grain of Rice Garbanzo Bean Squirt Bottle Up-to-your-hip **Average** Taller-than-a-door House Roof Space Shuttle

**Equip List: SZAYEL's Fashion sense**

(Quantity: 1) Hollow Mask. Takes the shape of normal rectangular glasses.

(Quantity: 1) White long shirt that covers all skin up to the neck. Has 3 black stripes from the neck to right shoulder.

(Quantity: 1) White pants. Some length taken away so they are a bit shorter than other units.

(Quantity: 2 or 1 pair) White Gloves.

(Quantity: 4 or 2 pairs) Black Socks. Separate the Big toe and from the rest.

(Quantity: 2 or 1 pair) Sandals.

**New Feature!** (Quantity: 1) Nerd Outfit. Perfect to do your homework for you, help you with that project or able to PWN someone behind their back with words they'll never fucking understand seeing as they are "grammatical jocks".

**New Feature!** (Quantity: 1 with a box) Green slimming outfit. Sleeves are in the shape of leaves, legs are in a pot complete with soil. Box contains styling gel and yellow dust spore. Just style the hair pointing up and in clumps, sprinkle some dust, tell the unit to lay still and TAH DAH! Your very own pink flower.

**New Feature!** (Quantity: 1) Chibi Gigai. Complete with large green eyes with the capability of chibi tears, sparkles, and the wide MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH. This is only available in the A la mode setting

**The Box: Removing The SZAYEL Unit**

It is important you do this carefully. The SZAYEL units have been known to sadistically torture it's owners and funny shit like that. Upon receiving the unit, drag the box into your room (be sure to have things that a scientist would like) or to the nearest forensic lab. When you have it situated, simply shout "OH LOOK! A THINGY! WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS! IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD TELL US IF IT'S ON THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS…OR SOME SHIT FUCK LIKE THAT!!!" You should see the lid of the box slide off and a curious SZAYEL unit should emerge. He will immediately look around eager to begin looking at the specimen. Take this opportunity to introduce yourself. The unit will most likely be disappointed but will submit if he finds you worthy and powerful enough (or he will say "oh. A flying waffle." And when you turn around, he'll get out his voodoo doll of you and begin PWNing your ass. This unit loves your suffering).

**Programming: For Situations or just activity**

Mellow hm hmm _(default)_

I KEEL JOOO!

KUNG FU KITTY SNEAK ATTACK! _(locked)_

Sissy ass girl _(locked)_

Mellow hm hmm _(default)_:

In this setting, your unit will pretty much go on with its life. Pretty mellow and content. Entertaining itself with testing or watching what goes on around him and then begin thinking of every possible outcome for it when there no need. Example: you left your sink's faucet running. The unit will begin thinking of all the possible places the water will end up.

I KEEL JOOO!:

In this setting, your unit will become pleasured in the torture of its victims. It will destroy everything and everything just to see your suffering (don't you feel special?). The SZAYEL unit might even eat your LUMINA unit if it's injured. Keep AWAY from children, pets, antiques, and any other of your shit (SZAYEL: Oh mommy, was that your cat? I thought it was a spider so I thought I'd squish it for you :3)

KUNG FU KITTY SNEAK ATTACK!(_locked_):

Only activated if you have a NEL unit and a NNOITRA unit. The SZAYEL unit and the NNOITRA unit will team up and PWN your NEL unit. If you cherish your NEL unit, you won't put you darling unit through that. It will result in shrinkage.

Sissy Ass Girl:

You SZAYEL unit will become a sissy ass girl for your own amusement. :D but we really want to take away your happiness with this particular unit so your suffering will be great so this setting is locked. What will unlock it? Like we'd tell you bitches XD mwhahaha

**Interaction: Other Units for you**

AIZEN: The SZAYEL unit will submit to your AIZEN unit because he knows the AIZEN unit will just PWN his ass. Trust us, he knows…

Any others: hehehe, you know this don't you, you little deviants.

**F.A.Q: The Complaints of Whiny Ass Customers who won't leave us the hell alone**

Why bother? Our customers don't follow this manual anyways so they are dead. Please be the first to give us whiny ass complaints. We need to fill this space! SO COMPLAIN MOTHERFUCKERS!


End file.
